“Just as the athlete has his coach, the Hindu his yogi, and the student his mentor, there are many of us who find wisdom in dogs. Because of their teachings, we are better people.”
~ Jennifer Skiff, The Divinity of Dogs: True Stories of Miracles Inspired by Man's Best Friend
Her panting matches every beat of my heart
Two soft brown magic pools of love like no other
She is an open doorway into self-forgiveness
The letting go of all I have carried that was never mine with which to do so
She is a soft white, silky landing place, a permission slip to drop it all and continue on
Forward, the path before us
I must cherish each step
She will one day teach me more, about letting go
But I don’t want to think about that today
Today I want to think of only the immense joy she has brought us and mostly I want to write about the fact that I can’t write today and that F****** sucks and I don’t know why.
I am not distracted, I feel empty. So much shit around ******** is soaking up all my energy, it’s leaking out of me, I’m allowing it to happen even though I don’t want it to happen.
I feel lost.
Can one be lost yet found at the same time? I believe so. The in between on the path is a deep heart-stretching, soul-expanding place to be. This time feels much different than the last. Perhaps it’s because I recognize it for what it is?
It’s more painful this time. More punctuated, pronounced, profound. The flip side is there is comfort in knowing there is equivalent reward, jewels and depths of understanding and growth found on the other side.
I’ve just got to keep walking the path. And today, I am tired. I want to offer only hope and joy in my writing but is that realistic? That can’t possibly be. I must include both dark and light lest I come across inauthentic. Perhaps a bit more discerning in what I publish? I don’t know. And that’s the problem, I want to know. I want to understand. I want to have everything in its place, in order, figured out…ah…I want control.
I don’t want to surrender.
I don’t want to let go.
This is why I am suffering.
I always find my way out when I write...or perhaps my way through. And there in lies my joy. Perhaps I should post this? Perhaps another would find joy in it, hope. For now I will stop. It’s time to walk the dogs and that never ceases to saturate my whole world with peace.
My newsletter is always free (you will never see a paywall here) however, if you are moved by and enjoyed what you find here, tipping, donating, or “buying me a coffee” on PayPal is so very appreciated.
Becoming a paid subscriber provides me the opportunity to continue my work, is a great way to offer support so I can continue writing and is beyond appreciated.
If you enjoyed this post, please hit the “heart” or the “share” button so more folks can discover Samasta.
With gratitude,
Niki